Challenges of Raising a Child with Explosive Tendencies
When the clock strikes ‘war’, you know it’s time to put your brave face on.
No matter what she says or does.
You can’t scream. You can’t shout.
You can just wait for the tide to turn over, keeping calm and counting down to the moment when the worst is over and it’s finally time for damage control.
After all, she’s just a child.
Your child. The precious little one that you brought into this world through blood, sweat and tears, vowing to keep him safe, healthy and happy come what may.
That said, we know dealing with an explosive child is beyond tough. It’s equivalent to facing one Herculean task after the other, and we get you. But one of the most important things in raising a child is treating that piece of your heart with love, kindness and empathy.
However, along this arduous journey of taking therapy, hunting ways to manage the outbursts of an explosive child and spending countless sleepless nights soaked in a pool of tears and exhaustion, challenges arise.
Challenges that you don’t see coming. The kind that no one talks about but they stare at you square in the face all the same.
It’s indeed a very scary place to be in. But you should know that you’re never alone through it all. It might feel like you’re fighting it out alone each day but you’re not. You’ve got support, you’ve got people backing you up, wishing you well and hoping you and your child will come out of this unscathed.
And though acknowledging these difficulties can evoke fear, it’s important to know them. To feel seen, heard and understood. Because the challenges of parenting, including those of your struggle, deserve a voice.
Challenge #1: A strained relationship between you and your child
The everyday fights can sure take their toll – not just on you and your child individually but also on the relationship you share.
On some days, it might feel like she’s slipping away from you. Like there’s a rift between the two of you that just can’t be healed no matter how hard you try.
From being snuggled together when she was just a baby to coming to a place where you have to go through a violent episode just to get a tender hug – the pain of it is real and raw. Beyond what words can explain.
Challenge #2: Take the time out to focus on you
Finding me time can seem impossible. You might often find yourself thinking about how life was about a decade ago. You had time to call yours – time you could use to focus on yourself. Be it going to the gym or for a long run in the park by your house.
Now you’ve come to a place where you can barely recognize the person you see in the mirror. You won’t find the energy anymore to take care of yourself, devoting every free second you get just to catch a breather – a moment of peace knowing that you’ll have to go through the same battle all over again.
Challenge #3: The relationship between you and your partner
It might feel like a huge thing, but even the strongest relationships can show cracks under such immense pressure.
Instead of having date nights, the two of you might now find yourself looking up the internet for tips and advice on ‘how to deal with frustration and anger’.
You’d contemplate couple’s therapy as an option because that romantic getaway is no longer viable. You may find yourself arguing more often than you used to. After all, both of you are putting your entire energy into keeping your family whole. And it’s exhausting. It’s natural. But it’s exhausting.
Challenge #4: Devoting time to your other children
With your explosive child taking up the lion’s share of your time and energy, it becomes vital to protect your other children from the tirade. Even if that means sending them to bed without their favorite bedtime story.
Of course, you worry about the effect that’ll take on your other kids. You can’t help but wonder when your family would feel as happy as they look in that portrait hung on your wall. You will find yourself yearning to give your other kids more of your time and attention. But you know it might be a distant dream.
Challenge #5: Making space for your friends
You’ve come to a place where you know whenever your friends enquire about you, “I’m fine” is an automatic response that has no real meaning.
Even your friends are now afraid to broach this subject, choosing to rather not call you than deal with the aftermath of the real stories you have to share.
Though some are ready to stand by you as a rock, some of them slip away. And you need to know it’s nobody’s fault.
Challenge #6: Heading towards good “normal”
You can’t help but dream of a time when your “normal” would look and feel a whole lot like the normal you had planned. A normal house. A normal job. A normal wholesome family.
Every day the picture of your “normal” can feel like it’s slipping away from you. But you will still pick up that pamphlet on “how to deal with anger and frustration” and try all over again, having the hope that someday that “normal” will be yours.
Challenge #7: Being the parent you wanted to be
You pictured parenthood very differently. You were sure that you were going to be the perfect parent – one who juggles it all, strikes a balance, stays strong and finds bliss in parenthood at the end of the day. But your reality is in sharp contrast to what you had imagined and you can feel the sting of it.
At EuroKids, we understand it can be heartbreaking to go through what you go through. But deep down you know that all these challenges are worth it. You know that there’s going to be light at the end of the tunnel. And that you can get there by doing what you do. That said, one of the most important things in raising a child – even an explosive one – is ensuring they get a sound education. Education can help them unlock their potential and find better ways to manage the anger they feel. To know more about how a good education can help you and your child, visit your nearest EuroKids center.