There comes a day when the dam breaks. When the walls fall.
You are not in control anymore.
Things get blurry and the only emotion that now governs you is anger.
You scream. You shout. You say things you do not mean. But you cannot help it anymore. Blowing a fuse has become second nature. And it is so, so damn difficult to break out of that cycle.
But all is not lost.
As a mom, losing your temper, though it feels just in the moment, can lead to guilt pangs that gnaw at you inside out. That makes you feel like the worst person ever.
We feel you. Dealing with kids is a challenge. Even if they are not really being difficult, just the newness of being in this position where you have to be responsible for your kids can be enough to cause bursts of anger and frustration.
We know you do not want to yell. You want to stop. You want to stay calm. But you just cannot figure out how to turn off that switch yet.
You are not alone though. You are not the only one who curses herself. You are not the only one who is sick and tired of being angry with her kids all the time. And trust us, anger management is really possible for you. For real. If you can find it in you to break certain toxic patterns that is.
Anger management for moms: Breaking free of 7 unhealthy patterns
Are you getting angry for the silliest of reasons? Is your mom-rage coming out of nowhere? You need to know how to manage anger issues. Which means you need to identify your thoughts, your patterns, your feelings.
Going on this journey is like searching your soul and finding that all the answers are right there. Within you.
Sounds easy, we know, but it is exactly what you need to foster that sense of harmony you crave. To help you, we have curated a list of 7 unhealthy patterns that you need to break to feel unstuck.
- Feeling that you have zero choices
- Following unhelpful habits
- Completely avoiding what triggers you
- Trying jump to happy from angry
- Viewing every circumstance as a problem
- Blaming others
- Not wanting to change
Circumstances can make you feel like there is no choice. The only way out is to scream. To shout at the top of your lungs till everything else falls quiet. There can not be another possibly logical reaction right?
Though we feel, it is wrong to think there is no choice to react in another manner.
Remember you do have a choice. All you need is to be aware of it.
Most anger management techniques suggest slowing down. Hold for a minute. Pause and think before you erupt. Can you react in a different way? When you feel it in your bones that the answer is ‘yes’, you will lose your temper less.
It is like you are stuck. There is only quicksand all around, and the only way is down.
If you want to know how to manage anger issues, you have to move on from being a creature of habit in certain circumstances.
What we mean to say, do not let being angry turn into a habit. This should not be your natural response. Getting angry should not come as instinctively as brushing your teeth. Or straightening that crooked picture on the wall.
How do you break this habit? Find a replacement for it!
This could be anything. You can choose to close your eyes and just breathe. You could do the age-old counting back to 10 things. Or just think of a happy memory. Whatever works for you is an effective anger management technique.
Just writing that headline made us feel how unnatural that is. Does it even make sense to avoid all your anger triggers? We mean you can run, but you can’t hide. Sooner or later, your triggers will catch up with you. And that will not be pretty for anyone.
Plus, you cannot really avoid your child when they throw a tantrum if that is your trigger. Some of their tantrums can be legit and totally not their fault. Instead of avoiding, your focus should be on doing something more constructive. Maybe just listen. Let your kid bear their heart out. That way the moment will pass and so will your anger.
There is no magic button. There is no switch. You cannot simply jump from one extreme to the next and think of it as a viable solution to your anger issues. It is only going to further that feeling of entrapment. There is no rule that says if you cannot be X, you have to be Y. Making being happy a compulsion instead will only cause more bitterness. And thus, the rage cycle continues.
Our anger management tip for this is take it slow. Go step by step and give yourself time to calm down. There is no need to take that long jump. Just breathe and watch that feeling go. The more you do this, the easier it will become to let go of anger.
N, it is not just the tip of the iceberg. Sometimes it is not even a molehill. But yes, you are right. It is very far from a walk in the park.
So what is it then?
It is a chance. A chance to do what is right.
When you think of every tantrum and every fight between your kids as an opportunity to do something, your whole perspective changes for the better. Anger takes a backseat, and you start focusing on developing your skills to deal with any situation your kids throw at you.
It is nobody’s fault. Period.
Blaming others for your anger issues might seem justified, but at the back of your mind it is also creating that impression that you are powerless. This can further fuel your anger rather than serve as an escape route.
That is why, one of the best anger management tips is to take charge. Be in control. Do not let your child’s behaviour govern how you should feel and react. Only you decide that.
You need to have the will. Only then you will find a way out of this quarry of anger. Undoing all those habits that cause you to lose your temper will require the will to change.
Of course there will be moments when you would want to stop, quit and forget about it. But you have to hold on. For the sake of your munchkins. For the sake of you. Keep picking yourself back up whenever you fall and you will see you have come a long way.
Bonus: give anger management books a shot
Written by experts, anger management books can really help if you want extra guidance. We strongly recommend books such as Anger Management by Peter Favaro, Getting Over Getting Mad by Judy Ford and Yell Less, Love More by Sheila McCraith. Each of these unlocks ways in which you can manage anger, find out what causes it and improve your strained relationships.
At EuroKids, we understand the pressures of parenting. That is why we take a very holistic approach to your preschooler’s development, covering all the basics – from education to life skills – so you have less to worry about. Visit us to know more.